The End of A Relationship

I wish this were a post where the punch line was that after years of loving Best Foods/Hellmans mayonnaise, someone introduced me to Miracle Whip and I switched. It would be lovely to go on and on about changing tastes and why hadn't someone told me about the fabulous new taste. But alas, this is not that post.

I am pretty sure I have lost my sister. She is 18 months younger than I. We have never really been close. My mom often says it is her dearest desire that we be friends as adults, but I really think you have to make an effort when your kids are younger to encourage friendship. It doesn't just spring up when you hit 21. As kids, we were never encouraged to do the same things. She had horses, I had Girl Scouts. I had competitive swimming, she had horse shows. I was considered the intellectual, they never gave her much credit for her smarts. We both tried tennis, but our brother was the ace, so he had that!

In addition, it never felt safe to share confidences with her. In 6th grade I had a crush on a neighbor boy and I told my sister. Instead of giggling about it with me and our spying on him together, she organized the neighbor kids (all 15 of them) to march around the block singing, " Sissy loves Petey, Sissy loves Petey." I snuck home from school for weeks after that and never shared the secrets of my heart again.

And now, someone has convinced her of something that is not true. I know it is not true, but don't confuse my sister with facts when her mind is made up! I understand why she feels she has to believe, even though I think she probably encouraged these false stories, even if inadvertantly. But drama and being right have always been more important to her than calmly looking at the facts. In fact, I'm not sure she would even consider there is any other reality. And the person telling the untruths has gotten so much attention for the stories, who can blame them for persisting. Sadly, it feels like the whole family is being hurt by this. I guess that sounds a little harsh. I see my sister very clearly, I have ever since the 6th grade. But that doesn't mean I don't love her or miss her.

We have long held differing views on religion, and she believes I am going to hell. I have looked at that possibility. I really have. I believe most folks make it to heaven; that living a life of good works and compassion count, that heaven is not reserved for only one faith. And if we do not make up this horrible rift in our relationship, I have the consolation of believing that when my sister and I have both passed on and are wandering around heaven, I will find her, gently tap her on the shoulder and say, "Hi." And it being heaven, the truth will come out and we might just get to be friends.