And I'm not feeling like an artist. Do I know what an artist feels like? Does he have to be missing an ear? Does she have to work in the studio every day? Must the work be sold? Must she conform to Dylan's definition? -- "She's got everything she needs/She's an artist/She don't look back." I must have a picture of the artist in my head; a picture I somehow don't fit. Or is it the emotionally tough couple of years I've had? I think maybe one needs to feel to be an artist. You can feel good or bad or angry or sad or any other of a million emotions, but ya gotta feel. So probably the reason I'm not feeling like an artist is I'm trying real hard not to feel anything.
My means of escape can be found at the local public library or our subscription to Netflix. Makes sense that this piece of wisdom is the voice over from a show I watch. I'm not there yet, to the last sentence of this quote anyway, but I know that is what needs to happen for me to be the artist I am, deep down:
"We try to live responsible, logical lives. But we can't tell our hearts what to think.
Sometimes our hearts lead us to places we never thought we wanted to go.
And sometimes our hearts can be the sweetest gentlest things we have.
Sometimes our hearts can make us feel miserable, angry, excited and confused -- all at once.
But at least my heart is open. And I'm writing again. I'm dealing. I'm breathing."
-jason katims
