Aha

I love discovering new things about myself. You'd think, having lived with my self lo these many years, I would know me. And I do . . . and yet . . .

Perhaps it's a little like being in a long-term relationship and discovering a new thing about your partner. Or learning something new about your kids. . .

But back to my "aha."

I am working on opening a new business. The current stage is completely solo. I work in the space, getting it ready by myself. I have put a few feelers out for help, but no takers, so it's all up to me. This is fine, I know how I want to do things and I like my own company. Usually I take a lunch break and go out to a place that is close and cheap, but I have been worried that it was a financial luxury I ought not to do.

Yesterday I stayed home and worked all day. I must admit I got a whole lot accomplished. But at the end of the day I felt rather isolated, and unappreciated. I read a response to a comment on Vanessa's blog, which made me feel really good, and it hit me. The difference yesterday was the human contact I missed at lunch.

Since I go to lunch there most days, the workers know me. They smile. Actually, some of them light up when they see me. They ask about my kids, tell me about theirs. I'm not sure you could call it friendship. I only know their names because they wear badges. If they know mine its cuz sometimes I use my debit card. Whatever it is, it matters.

The funny thing is that once I get my food, I sit in a back corner with my nose in a book. I don't talk to anyone else, I read.

But just the act of getting in my car, driving to lunch, walking in and ordering makes all the difference in my day. It is the human contact we all need. That feeling of being seen and "gotten" and also seeing and getting others.

The other nice thing about this revelation is I no longer feel guilty going out to lunch. It's not a frivolous waste of money, it's just a way to stay connected to the world.

I wish you could see the smile on my face! It's nice to learn something new about myself!