Forgiveness

Early on in this month of attempting to get un-stuck, I realized that the whole key to moving ahead  is forgiveness.  There is an important person in my life that I have to forgive. But knowing that and doing it have been a whole 'nother thing. I have been so angry and I have not wanted to forgive.  It just never seemed fair that I have been so hurt and the other person seemed to get off without punishment.

This morning I had a major meltdown.  I was in pain and scared. overwhelmed, hopeless.  Luckily there are people I can turn to who are always there to help, to give comfort and healing thoughts and that was what happened.  But once I had calmed down, I realized I have been so involved in my own hurt and pain that I don't always listen, specially not to the person who I want to forgive.  So I wandered downstairs and said, "I'm sorry,  Do you want to talk about it?'

And I just let the other person talk.  I listened.  I answered when a question was asked or a comment sought.  Interestingly the conversation was actually all about me.  Only this time it wasn't me doing all the talking, or even most of it. 

And what I took from the conversation is that I can forgive without ever saying or thinking that the trespass was ok.  Forgiving is not about saying it's alright when others do or say bad things.  It's about letting go so we can move forward.  And that maybe, in this case, I don't have to consciously forgive.  I can know that forgiveness is what is needed and trust God to get me there in the gentlest way.  That it's possible to get to forgiveness and only after it has been given to realize I am there.