I'm still trying to get myself motivated to do something. It has been awfully difficult. I've been clinically depressed in my life and this is not it. But the behavior is a little too like for my comfort.
As my DH observed, depression is like having the engine turned off. What I'm doing is the equivalent of having the engine idling. And when I find what my destination is I'll engage and take off.
In the mean time, I've spent a lot of time online looking at fan blogs. It's easy, one does not have to expend much energy and it takes me out of myself (someplace I have noticed I have been avoiding for more than a few months). People can get rather passionate about a fav book/movie/fictional character or actor, whew! The comments on these blogs rather astound me. Some of them -- ok, most of them -- are so rude! And not to be unkind, but have these people ever heard of spell check/grammar check?
Before reading some of the comment streams I thought I could be just as catty and unkind as the next person . . .but whoa, I was wrong. Seems everyone has an opinion and they feel they have to express it -- but not in any sort of proper grammatical way. They are painful to read (specially after these past couple years reading my daughter's excellent college essays) and sometimes just plain mean.
I keep looking for the magic key to get going. I'm pretty sure the world of fan blogs is not it! I know I need to engage. I keep thinking if I only knew what the hell was going on with me I would snap out of it. I haven't a clue what is going on and I don't seem to snap out of it. But at least I laugh with myself at my emotional ineptitude. And I write in my personal journal and sometimes I come here and try to make sense.
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